- Doctor, I'm suffering from a pain in my right leg.
- There's no cure, alas! It's because of old age.
- You must be mistaken, Doctor. The left leg is as old as the right and it doesn't hurt me at all.


- How old is she?
- I don't know, but everybody was overcome by the heat from the candles at her last birthday party.


- Wonder why we never had a woman for president ?
- Sap! Don't you know the president has to be over 35 years of age?

A disrespectful calf
Bob: Every day my dog and I go for a tramp in the woods.
Rob: The dog must enjoy that.
Bob: He sure does, but I think the tramp is getting a little tired of it.

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it."
"So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"

Boss: That man next to you is doing twice as much work as you are!
Joe: I know that, sir. I keep telling him, but he won't slow down!

Jake: I've formed a new musical quartet with three other carpenters.
Ed: What do you call yourselves?
Jake: The Tuba Fours.

Jane: Am I too late for the garbage?
Garbage man: No, ma'am. Hop right in!

Jim: Joe is really lazy.
Slim: You're right. I wish he'd at least learn a trade so we'd know just what kind of work he's out of!

Mike: Call me a doctor!
Ike: Why, are you very sick?
Mike: No, I just graduated from medical school!

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